Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
