The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
