Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I lost the right to judge tonight
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
