Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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