I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
