college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
