I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We left the knife in your bed.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
