she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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