hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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