Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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