I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
