Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You dont lie about slip and slides
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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