You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Randomize
