careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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