I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
