i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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