she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
