i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
