just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
