I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
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