When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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