I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
