u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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