I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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