There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
