Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
