He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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