We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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