I think scott just propositioned me for sex
It's Friday. Sex?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
