ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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