So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
