This is not my ceiling
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
