i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
