He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
