3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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