I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
