She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
