Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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