ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
