SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
