My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
