you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
