OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
