i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
