At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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