all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
