I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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