dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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