I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
