You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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