Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
