Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
