This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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