I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
