I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
