why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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