I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
