I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize