then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
