you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
