Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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