I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
