the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
