did you get engaged???
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
