Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
