She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
