Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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